The best way to clear all misunderstanding is by talking to each other. Voice out all the unhappiness. And you will realise how much you have misunderstand the other party and that is where all unhappiness began to come between us.

Yesterday, I had a long chat with my 7 years buddy. We had this problem of being unhappy with each other at work. And we are drifted so far apart that we can't trust and talk to each other like we used to. But after the talk, we realise how wrong and how much misunderstanding occurred between us. I am so guilty of it.

And after the talk, I proceed to have a casual sms with my manager. She smsed to asked me what had happen to me recently to be so unfocused during work. After 4 hours then I replied her. Why?

Because I does not have this urge to reply her and also see no point in talking to her. We seems to have been in a cold war these few weeks. I thought she is showing attitude towards me, and she thought I'm unhappy with her. So both of us showed kinda black faces towards each other.

However, my buddy talk was fruitful and we promised no secrets between us. But the talk with my manager did not go quite well as I guess she don't get what I mean. And she didn't really say much. And I only had a vivid memory of my sms talk with her anyway. I can only remember one of her message was: "so now we ok le ma?" That's all.

In the past I don't trust having a truthful talk with one another be it anyone. The person who gives me the confident to try this out is actually, En. Her words make so much sense and in the end. She was right. The outcome was good.

I guess that is the problem to the reason why I have been losing friends since secondary school. Cause there is none of them I had such a fruitful talk that helps us to understand each other better. I can only say, Weili is my only friend that understands me so well and gives in to me to an extent that we can stay as buddy for 7 years.

I can't really figure out what kinda person or personality I have. I just know, I want things to go my way in a sense. And I hate it when people criticise or do not show me the basic respect I required. And I hate to be controlled. If I think that I am not given the freedom, that's the end of the friendship between us. That's the personality of Leo I guess. Dominant and aggressive.

To me, be it best friend, friend or classmate, comes and goes. We don't really keep in touch. And I can say, if I see my primary or secondary school friends on the road, I will see them as strangers. Unless they take the initiative of saying a "Hi" to me. That's me.

Yesterday, is not as bad as I thought it will be at work. It was En's shift and everything seems to be rather OK. Just send one of the order wrongly. After all it's still fine.

Service crews: Bistari, Joanne and me. We worked rather well just that we are just not as high I used to thought we will be. Everyone cooperates well and we did our part. Feels a lot more comfortable than the past.

Other than that, nothing seems to be special. Quite predictable actually. En worked full from 10am-10pm. And for whatever reason (perhaps too free) she brewed Chrysanthemum. I really want to thanks her. She gave me the most memorable Chrysanthemum I ever had.

Let me describe it to you. The first sip in the mouth was sweet, when you are about to swallow, it gets sweeter. And the next moment you know, it's super duper sweet!! She put the whole packet of rock sugar in it. So kind and generous of her.

And I displayed my creativeness by adding plum into the sweetest Chrysanthemum. I find the taste was ok, but the rest thinks it's horrid. And I mistaken Bistari's cup as Joanne's and added in the plum as well. So sorry my dear. And we had a good laugh after that.

Crowd in at around 630pm. Rather busy. This time, En did not snack. Every time En eats, it will either be busy or few tables will come in to dine. Yesterday, might be due to En standing in the bar. When she's working as a service crew, it will be super quiet.

Sorry En and Li for turning them down for movie today. I know guys are gonna miss me but I'm going to California Fitness with Abby today. We arranged last week. I will surely meet up with you girls again!

Seems like everyone has forgotten.

what's there to remember anyway?

It's just another day,

that comes every year.

Just like last year,

it's another healing time for me.

I'm just like a forgotten girl,

living in a forgotten place,

with her shattered dreams.

Swam then sauna-ed then gym-ed. Basically this is what I have done yesterday. I realised I'm feeling better once again. All unhappiness, anger or even sadness are gone after all these activities.

So, personally, I feel there is no need for one to have any sadness or unhappiness. That will make you feel miserable. So perhaps that led to one having the suicide mentality. Obviously, it's stupid. Die for someone you loved but don't love you? FOOLISH...!

Love yourself more than you love others. Here I am to give tips and experience how I feel better. No harm trying. If it works well for you, why not?

Swimming, swim the style that is most strenuous for you. For mine, freestyle. You should be like vesting everything. Better effect then you hitting the wall or smashing things. No damage to any physical property or your body, and it's healthy too.

Gym, Firstly run on the track mail. Run the fastest speed you can take. Slow down every now and then. After that, carry weights. I'm not asking you to carry weights that is too heavy for you. Get the weight that is most comfortable for you. The same weight gets heavier, as the more sets you do. Go for 3 or 2 sets. 15 times per set.

Sauna, time for you to relax. Sweat to the max you can. If there is no one in the sauna room, and you feel like crying, just do it. Though I have not tried crying in sauna I think it helps. After all these activities, you should be feeling better. Remember, you are a brand new person!

For me, I sort out my thoughts in sauna. I thought, why should I bother so much and in the end of the day I'M the one who gets hurt. I'M the one who needs to heal myself. I'M the one who is able help myself. It's all I'M. I gotta be stronger than the one who hurts me. I gotta live happier than the one who angered me. I gotta be unaffected by anything, anyone.

The next day, you must be aching all over. This means you have successfully vast your anger. Else, do it again. Lengthen the time as compared to the first time. I guess, this is not workable to everyone. But I'm just sharing my experience. It has proven successful to me.

Wonderful... Third time... 3 different year... JUST before my birthday. Spoilt all my mood looking forward to the 25th. Why is this all happening to me? Why must it be me? Why must be be so near to the 25th?

I don't blame anyone or rather can't blame anyone. Just asking myself why am I able to trust someone so easily. I told Weili, once is enough. NO more twice. And after much consideration, the result is still the same.

This implies to me that the more I consider the more hurt I will get. So is it hinting me to not consider so much. Just like the childish me in the past? Play play and have fun? There is nothing to worry and need to be bothered at all. Is it?

I do not know how to face myself anymore. There is a phobia inside me. Feeling so panic about everything and there is no one that understand what I'm going through. I do not know what I want now. Everything seems to be in a big mess.

This mess is not done by anyone. Is the artwork of my own hands. I hate my life more than ever. I hate everything about me. Seems like there is nothing for me to look forward anymore. Nothing to be missed, nothing to be loved.

Body is aching all over. But this won't stop me from gym-ing. I'm gonna find time to gym as much as I can these days. Build up my muscle. Can't have weak muscles anymore.

I began to love those songs played in California fitness. Makes people super energetic and motivated to exercise along with the songs. Please do find me more of such songs! And you happen to drop by California, please take note of the song title. As I don't know the title at all!

Being to feel old in just another, like say 3 weeks? I have yet to have any plans for myself. Perhaps just gym all the way. Kinda bored to gym alone actually. Gotta motivate myself all alone.

This year, I am thinking of going aboard backpacking as a celebration for myself. Alone. But alone is definitely impossible as my parents will not be willing to let me do so. Damn... Maybe that's my plan for my 21st Birthday, 2 years from now.

There seems to be nothing bothering me after today. Tons of matter just flashed through my mind. I got no choice but to face those bothersome stuffs.

Firstly, will be projects and study matter. Practical test, Projects, written test all coming up soon. I have got no choice but to study. Just pass and graduate. And I will go "Thanks God, I graduated!" I regretted listening to my dad and not take up the course of my choice: Sports and Wellness.

Secondly, Love matter. This "you". We have seems to be drifted apart further and further each day. I realise in fact there is no "feel" between us. Perhaps, it was me that stood beside you during your breakup. And it was you who stood by me when I was at my downs. This "feel" comes to naturally that we thought it's love.

The fact is: We are just pillar of support for each other. As simple as that. Is we ourselves that makes it so complicated and makes us lost our sense of direction to move on. Yes, I don't deny having much fun time with you though you aren't always there for me.

I promised that I won't quit this current job at manna. I will still keep to my promise, as whatever I promised shall always be a promise. Manna is not my priority any longer.

Thirdly, Driving. Lessons seems to be tougher and tougher each Friday. My confidence is thrashed when I can't seems to coordinate my legs and my hands well enough. And to add on, my test is on the 21st of AUGUST .

Lastly, unsatisfactory. It really pissed me off after my mum had a long chat with any aunt over the phone for hours. They seems to have uncountable number of things to share. One of them is We these young youths.

Graduate, boyfriends, future earnings, results, certs, career... She is always nagging me on these. Never will she be satisfied of her child and her life. All she does is to envy envy and still envy. Can't she just not chat with those aunties since she cannot be satisfied with whatever she has? It makes me have all these hatred to those aunties. Worst of all, low self esteem for myself.